This was a pretty rough weekend for me. I have no idea why... We just finished our eighth week of being a "church" with weekly services and all that. And this weekend I stood there in our rent free building and thought, this is too hard and I why did I say yes?
Planting a church from scratch is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. I've even questioned why in the world we moved from a placed we loved and left some of the best friends we'd ever had... We left abundant comfort and security in exchange for struggle, doubt, and uncertainty.
But a year ago when we said yes, I knew all of that. I knew that it would take every penny in our savings to move here. I knew that purchases that we "wanted" would turn into ones that we "needed". And I knew that sharing a building was going to be hard work... I knew that "setting up" and "tearing down" would be new terms in my vocabulary... My weekly vocabulary.
So what's my deal? If I knew all of this, why am I surprised? Listen, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. This would be a huge blog if I listed everything that I was thankful for, but...
Planting a church from scratch is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. I've even questioned why in the world we moved from a placed we loved and left some of the best friends we'd ever had... We left abundant comfort and security in exchange for struggle, doubt, and uncertainty.
But a year ago when we said yes, I knew all of that. I knew that it would take every penny in our savings to move here. I knew that purchases that we "wanted" would turn into ones that we "needed". And I knew that sharing a building was going to be hard work... I knew that "setting up" and "tearing down" would be new terms in my vocabulary... My weekly vocabulary.
So what's my deal? If I knew all of this, why am I surprised? Listen, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. This would be a huge blog if I listed everything that I was thankful for, but...
Sometimes us gals need a good cry! :)
I just wanted to write this to let other planting wives know that it's ok to feel "blah" now and then. Even if you have no idea why. Even when you have so much to be thankful for... It's ok.
I'm thankful for my husband. And I'm thankful that he's here to show me the whole picture, when all I can see is bits and pieces. I'm thankful that we can dream together. I'm thankful that I can be honest with him and he takes time to encourage me. I'm thankful that my calling is as strong as his.
In the book My Husband Wants to be a Church Planter...So What Will That Make Me? It says that - 92 percent of planter wives say that even though church planting requires sacrifices, it is worth the cost!
So, I'm wondering...at what point were these wives asked that?
-I'm sure it was longer than 8 weeks in...
"God sees your tears. Cry them, wipe them, feel them, but don't let them stop you." ~Kelly Minter
4 comments:
For some reason the BarlowGirl song "Here's My Life" came to mind when I read this.
Wow, I just looked up the lyrics...that's an amazing song. Thanks for the reminder!
You are the best partner I could ever ask for. God led us to each other so we could tackle moments like this together. I love you.
My husband and I are both in ministry, and four months ago we launched a ministry that was close to our hearts that the Lord had planted there long ago. I think anyone that is embarking on something new has that moment when they ask themselves 'is this worth it?'...and then they get back to work shuffling chairs around and setting up for whoever uses the building next. Thanks for your honesty and may God continue to bless your family and your ministry.
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